RoleMaster Trump Failure Tables

[Finarvyn]

RoleMaster Trump Failure Tables - choose one at random, ie the first one you haven't yet used.

[Laws of Misdirection #35: Create so much information that the truth can hide within it]

• Trump fails and shatters into freezing shards of glass. Did you buy the "smashes like a safety windscreen" option? It was only a point...bet you're sorry now!
  
• Trump fails and freezes onto whatever part of you it is touching. Have you ever had your toungue stuck on a snowman? Well that's the deal. The Trump may slowly migrate about your body.
  
• Trump suceeds (sort of). You contact your rival's implements or gear. Usually it will be of only moderate intelligence, but that means that sometimes you can be having a fiesty conversation with Flora's hairbrush for several hours before working out you are speaking to the wrong thing. Blush...
  
• Trump sends a random part of your body to your contactee. This is called the Vincent Van Gogh manuver. Rumours that this is why Bleys has such perfectly aligned tights will get you slowly roasted over a fire, while Bleys watches, occasionally making witty remarks about your chestnuts.
  
• Trump contacts the relative who would be most offended to be mistaken for the person you are contacting. You talk to them for several minutes before you realise that you've just asked Benedict if he killed his mother.
  
• Trump begins to vibrate rapidly, causing all of the cards in your deck to become active. Objects swim between the cards, annoying all of your relatives and the Powers That Be, who send you a Stuff Laundry Bill.
  
• Trump folds itself into an origami animal, then wanders off to plan the tanagramic invasion of Amber.
  
• Trump splits you into good and evil halves. Since you are probably such a viscious bastad, the first you'll hear of this is when your Flora asks you to get your Scout Troop off the croquet pitch.
  
• Trump sends you into a surreal, nightmare world. You find yourself in the body of a geek, who has no superpowers and spends time fantasising about being a master of the universe, instead of actually doing anything to bring his goals about. Oddly, he seems to have the key details of your life on a piece of paper called an "Amber Character Sheet".
  
• Trump sends a running commentary of your thoughts to whomever drew the card. All of the embarrassing bits begin to be shown on your card, but only when people shove money in a little slot on the back.
  
• Your use of the Trumps is so incompetent that Dworkin draws a special issue of his Trump Comic Book to commemorate the event.
  
• The Trump puts you where you wanted to be, but upside down and several hundred feet in the air. Upon hearing of your death, Bleys just grins and says "Yeah, his place was a nice break from the Steps of Kolvir."
  
• The Ghost Of Oberon rises out of the Trump deck and throttles you to death, before going and doing all of the things you ever wanted to do, but didn't have the balls or skill for.
  
• Brand contacts you, briefly, before the Prevention of Pantomine Plot Police smite you mightily, to make sure that the silly bugger stays dead. You are transported to his realm of Wicked Liquorice Fun, and never seen again.
  
• How did you get this high on the table? You really -need- a suggestion at this point? I mean, really...
  
• Didn't you get the deal with the last entry? Go away, sod you, or I'll send you to Seasame Street and you'll spend the rest of forever performing counting songs...so help me I will.
  
• Alright, you asked for it...You appear outside of Hooper's Store with a foam letter in your right hand. A little red monster with Psychic Domination Powers (Elmo, son of Brand, Draught Resister of Amber) commands you to play with him.

From: Timothy Ferguson, an unsung genius, courtasy of the Wayback Machine.